(un)Friends and Fiances

So, I started work again today. The company was bought out by another company. They promised jobs to everyone that already existed with the company....

Yeah, so when I started today I learned that the guy who got me my job got canned last week, with only 2 weeks of severance pay. He was 3 tier in the company. How does that even work? It's a joke and an insult. It made me really sad and upset.


Also, So, you know how when your friends find a new bf or gf and they completely drop you? Sometimes they offer to hang out, but only when the sig. other is busy. I just think "My schedule does not revolve around your sig. others' schedule. and I don't want to be treated as a second class friend."
So pretty much I am just done with that.

Those girls always apologize, "I am so sorry I have just been so busy."
Yeah macking out with that boy. And you arn't sorry, so shut the bull trap. 

It happens all the time. I feel like I am worth more as a friend then that.
they ditch you anyways when they are married.

Always saying "I won't be like that! we will hang out all the time!"

... until you realize how many bills you have to pay... you start with all good intentions of not dropping your friends... but it happens.
So. Friendship over. Bye and have an awesome life!

Lessons from Walter

Lately I have been feeling pretty boring. Sometimes life feels like the wind. It just moves past you all the while you just disregard it. We never take a moment to think about the wind, what does it tell us about the day, the weather, the time, etc... It's the same as I feel about life. It just moves by and I don't stop to think about what it means,

and I never live it to the fullest.

My parents and I were watching The Secret Life of Walter Mitty tonight. The new version with Ben Stiller. You know the one with the main character played by Ben Stiller? and the Director... Ben Stiller? and, no wait, the famous producer... Ben Stiller? 
In between dry spouts of humor the main theme of the movie bled through the screen and into my consciousness and fed off the void of feeling in life.

I need to take life to the fullest too. To take life to the threshold, and even if I can't travel to far off rugged mountains, and I can feel each moment.

A long time ago my grandmother was married to this douchebag of a guy. They ended up getting divorced but it caused a break between friends. My grandmother and the sister of this guy. Just recently, 40 + years after the fact we moved within 2 hours from this Lady. We didn't know she was around, but my grandmother came for a visit and our families re-connected.

I was unable to attend the event, but today I got to meet her.

We just went to a state part and talked about her family history in the state of Texas. She comes from a long line of Thoroughbred Texans and has very strong roots to the area.

She also remembers going to school during segregation. She remembers the history I learned in elementary school.

It's interesting that nothing super notable happened, but at the same time, each small moment is how history is made.

Summer lists

Lose 30 lbs

Go to lunch with Madison

Go to Corpis Cristy with the chem e girls

Do art/copy art Pinterest board 

Train for a half marathon

Get hot

Save money

Go to crystal bridges?

Go to Hawaii

Write Poem Book

Read FB 100 novels book list

Start an ultimate frisbee group

Go camping

Clean appartment

Move in with Jessica 

Finances

Fix resume

Blanket tee shirts 

Fix clothes-standards

Endowment 

Hang out with Donika

Fix passwords 

Hang out with terry 

Workout with Camille 

Hang out with Julie, Jessica, Mackenzie 

Hang out with Chemily 

Handwriting 

Geneology

Word of the day

Blogg 2 stories a day

Read JC

Feed missionaries once a month

Sometimes

I am often alone in my head, which can be helpful for some situations, but others not so much. As I wonder the worlds that exist in that space I find events and thoughts that are hilarious, or maybe just ridiculous. Either way, I wish I had the skill to emerge those thoughts and bring them to text, maybe to bring a different, if not interesting, view out to the world. But alas I don't have the time or the wit. Maybe one day I'll interest myself in journalism.

A lot has gone on these past few months, but in reality not much has. The days pass without number and they streamline into failing grades. Often it leaves me feeling hopeless and friendless. I wish I had friends to do all the things I do, but I don't. Just often wishing by myself. So is it me or them?

Blessing

To use what I have learned from my family
that the calling is sacred and came from god
for my light that I have shown forth
For my valiance
for spiritual strengths that I have not recieved yet
for knowledge that I will find
for success in school
for success in the RS
be a blessing to the president of the RS

Tortellini Soup

2 cartons of chicken broth
heat to a simmer
add chopped onion
2 tbs parsley
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper
1/2 c grated carrot
simmer for 10 min then add
1 pkg of fresh cheese tortellini
bring to a boil
tortellini will float to the top when it's ready

essays

I had a cool experience at the beginning of the semester. I entered my Organic Chemistry class and realized that I was not friends with anyone in the class. That poses two problems. First, I don’t know who to sit with, and second I don’t have anyone to study with. I found a few faces I recognize from my Chemical Engineering courses and braved an introduction. I introduced myself and asked if I could sit with them. They of course agreed and I started making friends with other Chemical Engineers.

Later on in the semester there was an introductory MEP activity and two of my new friends were discussing their potential attendance, and this sounds really childish, but I got excited. I literally thought “They are just like me!” They are Chemical Engineers who are a part of the Multicultural program as well.

I guess it is pretty easy to feel lost in the sea of people in any kind of organization, especially in a large educational institution such as OU. I was realizing that even though there are so many people it is very possible to find people that you can connect with. There is another side to this discovery, I would like to get more involved with the program, but I am pretty “white” compared to most the kids in the program. This causes me to be a little hesitant in involvement, but I found friends to help me get the nerve to be more involved!

The moral of this story is that this organization is important because it helps us find people we can relate to, and we can find people that become collaborators in our studies. I think it is very important for us in our education to find friends. It helps us build on our abilities and leader, collaborators, and team workers as well as helps us study.

In our engineering courses we are given real world problems that we have to solve. We have to use the formulas and examples we have learned in our course work and apply it to a new situation that may be different from our examples we have come across before. We take our information that we know and apply it to this new problem that exists in real world parameters. We take our formulas and write an equation that explains this problem. It explains the forces and parameters that we are dealing with. We then take this information and use it to build and create.

The problem with this function of one person solving problems is that one person cannot see everything. We observe with only our own understanding, which our own understanding is based off of what we see and what we know. However, we cannot see everything and know everything at one time. This is why we need teams. This is why we need leaders, and this is why we need to collaborate. This is what diversity is.

Diversity is not just a difference in appearance, diversity is a difference in the way we see the world. We need diversity in everything, because the world is not monochromatic and our real life engineering problems and not contained in single variable ideal situations.

Diversity helps us learn and it helps us move forward. We need to have differences in understanding and opinion to progress. If we did not question things in life, or our engineering situations, then we would not have a trigger to help us move forward. We take our questions and begin to explore then and expand our understanding. In doing so we are able to solve questions, find answers, and help progress. This is what diversity is, it is not just the language we speak, the food we eat, or the places we grow up. It is the way we see the world, and how we can collaborate to grow.

I have had a number of diverse achievements in my life. I have always been very goal oriented and strive to always be working on improving. After I finished my first marathon I learned a very important aspect of achievements and goals. A goal is something that we want to do. It is an action that is very different from something that we do in our normal lives. Most the time this action that is our goal takes a change, it could be an emotional, spiritual, mental, or physical change. Change takes time and consistency.

When I finished running the marathon I was tired, but it was a tired I had experienced before. I was able to go to a dance afterwards. I had trained my body that even after running for five hours I still hand strength. Obviously this is not possible without training. Running the marathon was pretty cool, but it wasn’t really the goal. It was each and every day that I ran that was the goal. Running those 5 hours was not a big deal that day because I had trained my body to do it. Overcoming the goal was each and every morning that I got up for six months, even when I was too tired to think, or it was so cold that the air froze my breath inside my lungs. Overcoming a goal is actually overcoming the smaller hurdles that happen every single day. Each goal has an aspect of discipline that we must develop.

Engineering is not an easy field to go into. Course work is not really a simple battle to handle. It takes learning a new way of thinking. However each day I get up and tackle the assignments and tests like I did when I was running. I may not be the fastest, I may not be the smartest, and there are some days that I will fail. I will fail just like when I hurt my ankles running, or I tripped and I was out of commission for a couple of weeks. However, I know that I am building the strength and determination so that in the end I can do it.

thoughts...

first off, I am upset about the stuff happening at the Olympics, however I believe in the Olympics as a way to bring understanding, compassion, and friendship across cultures and people. So, stop dragging it down. Sure there are bumps and the road, let's figure out how to make this all a positive thing.


you can only push yourself an arm's distance away from the Lord, because you can only push him that far, he will never push you away.

If you are doing something because you are afraid of the consequences, you have a telestial attitude. If you are doing something because you are obligated to do it you have a terrestrial attitude.
If you are doing something because you want to do it, then you have a celestial attitude.

Engineering

 If I was ever an engineering professor I would have this be the last question on the final exam.

Question: If an engineer walks for 40 min. with 3 textbooks, 3 notebooks, a laptop, a granola bar, a calculator, a phone... etc. How many calories do they burn?

Answer: A pizza, you deserve a pizza.

2/5/14

su pu ll: 24

So, today was pretty weird.

First, I found on my way to class that my car doors were frozen shut. I had to use my fast acting chemical engineering mind to figure out how to open the door. (I just tried pushing on the door in and out until it opened)

One of my classes homework was postponed until next week. The entire class cheered, clapped and whistled, like after a Broadway performance.

I am all these things...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/video/micaela/14-signs-you-are-type-a
Type A

Beautiful things

Pu su ll 20

I want my life filled with beautiful things, in every medium.

Random

Run time: 30 min elliptical 

I almost cried when I saw Sherlock on. I can't tell if I love Martin and Cumberbach or Watson and Sherlock more. However I love Sherlock and still hate Mycroft so very much.

I can't believe the writers wrote Sherlock as such an Arse. My roommate says I was yelling at the TV. I don't remember, I was in a very dark place.

I don't know why anyone becomes an engineer. Most people respond to "what do you want to be" with something like "I like painting so I'll be a painter."

An engineer is like "well I'm good at math so maybe an engineer?"

No one says "I enjoy doing math so I'll me an engineer."

Friend

My friend came down this weekend. When she left it really made me realize my lack of friendship here.

When I get all excited about doing something I'll go talk to my friends about it, but they are lazy and don't want to do anything. Really kind of takes the esteem out of activities.

Someone said this to me about friendship  "they each have something eachother needs. Something that makes the both of them feel better."

Hum....

Ice skating

Soldering or sautering

ESo my friend and I were going to a soldering party tonight. It's what the cool kids do on a Friday night. Anyways I kept saying "soLdeing" pronouncing the L. But that is incorrect. But it did confuse us... And this is what happened..

Em: hahahah omg. K so it IS soldering when you fuse two metals together, and sautering is when you lightly fry meat on a skillet. At this point I think I'm too restarted to even work at mcdonalds.

Me: no that is sauté 

Em: wowwww. I'm going to live in the wild with the animals now because that's obviously where I belong

What is sauter?!?!?

Me: the incorrect way of spelling solder based an the American pronunciation 

Confessions of a Moderate

Run time: 45 min (on cross trainer) 4 miles. 10 push ups and leg lifts



I am not a vegetarian, however I do not eat a lot of meat unintentionally. It is against my beliefs to abstain from eating meat. However, a few days ago I was reviewing an article about animal cruelty in the Food Industry. It is pretty darn discussing. I think I, as well as others, should take more time and care into understanding the food they eat, and also take more concern in the well being of the animals that give their lives for our subsidence.

A friend of mine died a little over a month ago. It was a harsh blow to my friends and I. It was very, very unexpected. While the sadness of his unfinished adventures of his life still troubles me, I understand that he is happy and well where he is now. Sometimes it might be that our tears and really for ourselves and the pain we contain.

1/13/14

First day of school for the new semester.

It was pretty good and I was motivated to study. However, it is going to be really really hard. I am a little nervous about it. Mostly about my Momentum and Heat Transfer class.

So, my roommate drives me nuts. She has not stopped talking to me since I got back to the apartment. And Everything she talks about it either something I have experienced before or she is trying to one up me. I don't understand. She just states obvious things, over and over. She is like the younger sibling that never lets you alone. Just asking you questions about every little thing. If I leave a knife in the sink with a tad of peanut butter on it she will ask "So, did you eat peanut butter." And internally I am thinking "WHY THE H DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW! OFCOURSE I HAD PEANUT BUTTER!!! YOU CAN FREAKIING SEE IT!!!!"
but I just grunt in affirmative.


But then tonight she read me the bit in her journal about me. She said I was the greatest person she has ever met and she is so grateful for me. Which is sweet, and makes me feel like I shouldn't be so internally mean.

I am in conflict. I just get so irritated all the time.



On a side note, I watched a horrible movie. A horrible awesome movie. Warm Bodies.

panic attack

This is my panic attack.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I stood up and I was shaking. SO I realized I was having a panic attack.
I texed my friend for some advice on what to do, and this is what happened. (all via text)



once upon a time there was a donkey....


his name was donkey...


And he was sad because all of his friends called him an ass.


So he went to find the good fairy, he wanted her to turn him into a noble steed.


So, he climbed over mountains and crossed raging rivers and karate chopped a goat. until he finally came to the good fairy's dwelling....


He asked the fairy if she could turn him into a noble steed. The fairy said, you must climb the mountain wannahakaloogie and hak a loogie over the side of the mountain...


So he did. And it hit a squirrel...


 And he turned into a noble steed.


However, the squirrel told all of his squirrel friends what had happened....


 Then all of the squirrels in all of the land gained opposable thumbs and began work on their war machine.


 unbeknownst to the noble steed, he was about to be attacked in his sleep.



The squirrels used their war machine and sadly he was chopped into bits and sold to a Chinese man who was then able to open a Chinese buffet. The end.

Closure

So, I went to go see the boy.
he had been sick and in the hospital for a about a week. I have not spoken to him since he told me we should not be friends anymore. You know, that was pretty darn lame. And it hurt at the time, a lot.
But I can not describe how glad I am that it is over. I am very very happy that relationship is over. I hate the cliche response that girls have: "Well, I learned what I don't want in a guy."
I would say that- I don't necessarily regret, nor do I not regret the relationship. But, I did learn about myself. I don't think I am stronger or that I have grown. I just feel more aware of how I am and how I react to situations in relationships. I learned some valuable lessons about myself.

I went to go see him in the hospital.
I really didn't want to, but all day at church I just kept feeling like  I should go. So, I did. I didn't want to. I couldn't say "well, I just wanted to drop by and see how you are doing." because I don't. And, in honesty I don't really care if he get's better or not.
I didn't know what I would say.
It's been almost a year. Almost 11 months exactly. I pretty much hated him and he knew it. So, why do I need to go visit him in the hospital? What would my actions say?

So, I put on my big girl panties and went. I told the Lord that, if I was supposed to go- I would find my way easily.
And I pretty much did.

It was kind of awkward, but not as awkward as it could have been. We talked, but not about us, just about the things we were doing at the moment (ie working or school). He related to me how being in the hospital he began to feel completely helpless, and he had his first ever panic attack.
hahaha.
I know what that's like.

But, I stayed for a short time. He was just as surprised to see me there as I was. I don't want to be friends again. I don't want anything to come of this. But I feel a little more free then I did a day ago.

Ok

Just on my way driving in Ok.

Snow!

Today it snowed!

My New Years resolutions are: 1 get skinny 2 not be melodramatic 3 track how far I run.

1/4/13

Run time: 5 mi  1 hr flat

I was running in my favorite spot to run. It isn't all the time that I get to run there anymore. I like running in a place out of the way. Like I own the place. And I can be alone with my thoughts.

I was running, I was just going to do 3 miles, but the air in my lungs just felt so good. It's cold, but I am warm, and a nice breeze is cutting through my clothes.


A car stopped next to me and I realized it was a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
She says "I saw someone running and I knew I had to know them." Because we did put a lot of miles on that road. I miss it.

A while ago I read an article in the runners magazine. The author was describing his idea of what a runner is, like, I don't have the fancy running outfits or the pace to be a real runner. But what makes a runner? Is it really fancy clothes or the fastest pace? No. It's the enjoyment we get. He says it's the little pile of dirty clothes that makes you a runner. He went on to say that all runners have an understanding.

Maybe we do know all runners?

1/1/14

Hey

Run time:0

It's new years. Dang, 2013 went by really fast.

We spent the day with some old family friends. We have known them for as long as I have lived. And what is weird is that we have all moved to the same city 3 times. Crazy right? It's weird to see where we have all been, and where we are going.