Closure

So, I went to go see the boy.
he had been sick and in the hospital for a about a week. I have not spoken to him since he told me we should not be friends anymore. You know, that was pretty darn lame. And it hurt at the time, a lot.
But I can not describe how glad I am that it is over. I am very very happy that relationship is over. I hate the cliche response that girls have: "Well, I learned what I don't want in a guy."
I would say that- I don't necessarily regret, nor do I not regret the relationship. But, I did learn about myself. I don't think I am stronger or that I have grown. I just feel more aware of how I am and how I react to situations in relationships. I learned some valuable lessons about myself.

I went to go see him in the hospital.
I really didn't want to, but all day at church I just kept feeling like  I should go. So, I did. I didn't want to. I couldn't say "well, I just wanted to drop by and see how you are doing." because I don't. And, in honesty I don't really care if he get's better or not.
I didn't know what I would say.
It's been almost a year. Almost 11 months exactly. I pretty much hated him and he knew it. So, why do I need to go visit him in the hospital? What would my actions say?

So, I put on my big girl panties and went. I told the Lord that, if I was supposed to go- I would find my way easily.
And I pretty much did.

It was kind of awkward, but not as awkward as it could have been. We talked, but not about us, just about the things we were doing at the moment (ie working or school). He related to me how being in the hospital he began to feel completely helpless, and he had his first ever panic attack.
hahaha.
I know what that's like.

But, I stayed for a short time. He was just as surprised to see me there as I was. I don't want to be friends again. I don't want anything to come of this. But I feel a little more free then I did a day ago.