I want my life filled with beautiful things, in every medium.
January 29, 2014
January 23, 2014
Random
Run time: 30 min elliptical
I can't believe the writers wrote Sherlock as such an Arse. My roommate says I was yelling at the TV. I don't remember, I was in a very dark place.
I don't know why anyone becomes an engineer. Most people respond to "what do you want to be" with something like "I like painting so I'll be a painter."
An engineer is like "well I'm good at math so maybe an engineer?"
No one says "I enjoy doing math so I'll me an engineer."
January 20, 2014
Friend
My friend came down this weekend. When she left it really made me realize my lack of friendship here.
When I get all excited about doing something I'll go talk to my friends about it, but they are lazy and don't want to do anything. Really kind of takes the esteem out of activities.
Someone said this to me about friendship "they each have something eachother needs. Something that makes the both of them feel better."
Hum....
January 19, 2014
January 17, 2014
Soldering or sautering
Em: hahahah omg. K so it IS soldering when you fuse two metals together, and sautering is when you lightly fry meat on a skillet. At this point I think I'm too restarted to even work at mcdonalds.
Me: no that is sauté
Em: wowwww. I'm going to live in the wild with the animals now because that's obviously where I belong
What is sauter?!?!?
Me: the incorrect way of spelling solder based an the American pronunciation
January 14, 2014
Confessions of a Moderate
Run time: 45 min (on cross trainer) 4 miles. 10 push ups and leg lifts
I am not a vegetarian, however I do not eat a lot of meat unintentionally. It is against my beliefs to abstain from eating meat. However, a few days ago I was reviewing an article about animal cruelty in the Food Industry. It is pretty darn discussing. I think I, as well as others, should take more time and care into understanding the food they eat, and also take more concern in the well being of the animals that give their lives for our subsidence.
A friend of mine died a little over a month ago. It was a harsh blow to my friends and I. It was very, very unexpected. While the sadness of his unfinished adventures of his life still troubles me, I understand that he is happy and well where he is now. Sometimes it might be that our tears and really for ourselves and the pain we contain.
I am not a vegetarian, however I do not eat a lot of meat unintentionally. It is against my beliefs to abstain from eating meat. However, a few days ago I was reviewing an article about animal cruelty in the Food Industry. It is pretty darn discussing. I think I, as well as others, should take more time and care into understanding the food they eat, and also take more concern in the well being of the animals that give their lives for our subsidence.
A friend of mine died a little over a month ago. It was a harsh blow to my friends and I. It was very, very unexpected. While the sadness of his unfinished adventures of his life still troubles me, I understand that he is happy and well where he is now. Sometimes it might be that our tears and really for ourselves and the pain we contain.
January 13, 2014
1/13/14
First day of school for the new semester.
It was pretty good and I was motivated to study. However, it is going to be really really hard. I am a little nervous about it. Mostly about my Momentum and Heat Transfer class.
So, my roommate drives me nuts. She has not stopped talking to me since I got back to the apartment. And Everything she talks about it either something I have experienced before or she is trying to one up me. I don't understand. She just states obvious things, over and over. She is like the younger sibling that never lets you alone. Just asking you questions about every little thing. If I leave a knife in the sink with a tad of peanut butter on it she will ask "So, did you eat peanut butter." And internally I am thinking "WHY THE H DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW! OFCOURSE I HAD PEANUT BUTTER!!! YOU CAN FREAKIING SEE IT!!!!"
but I just grunt in affirmative.
But then tonight she read me the bit in her journal about me. She said I was the greatest person she has ever met and she is so grateful for me. Which is sweet, and makes me feel like I shouldn't be so internally mean.
I am in conflict. I just get so irritated all the time.
On a side note, I watched a horrible movie. A horrible awesome movie. Warm Bodies.
January 12, 2014
panic attack
This is my panic attack.
I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I stood up and I was shaking. SO I realized I was having a panic attack.
I texed my friend for some advice on what to do, and this is what happened. (all via text)
once upon a time there was a donkey....
his name was donkey...
And he was sad because all of his friends called him an ass.
So he went to find the good fairy, he wanted her to turn him into a noble steed.
So, he climbed over mountains and crossed raging rivers and karate chopped a goat. until he finally came to the good fairy's dwelling....
He asked the fairy if she could turn him into a noble steed. The fairy said, you must climb the mountain wannahakaloogie and hak a loogie over the side of the mountain...
So he did. And it hit a squirrel...
And he turned into a noble steed.
However, the squirrel told all of his squirrel friends what had happened....
Then all of the squirrels in all of the land gained opposable thumbs and began work on their war machine.
unbeknownst to the noble steed, he was about to be attacked in his sleep.
The squirrels used their war machine and sadly he was chopped into bits and sold to a Chinese man who was then able to open a Chinese buffet. The end.
I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I stood up and I was shaking. SO I realized I was having a panic attack.
I texed my friend for some advice on what to do, and this is what happened. (all via text)
once upon a time there was a donkey....
his name was donkey...
And he was sad because all of his friends called him an ass.
So he went to find the good fairy, he wanted her to turn him into a noble steed.
So, he climbed over mountains and crossed raging rivers and karate chopped a goat. until he finally came to the good fairy's dwelling....
He asked the fairy if she could turn him into a noble steed. The fairy said, you must climb the mountain wannahakaloogie and hak a loogie over the side of the mountain...
So he did. And it hit a squirrel...
And he turned into a noble steed.
However, the squirrel told all of his squirrel friends what had happened....
Then all of the squirrels in all of the land gained opposable thumbs and began work on their war machine.
unbeknownst to the noble steed, he was about to be attacked in his sleep.
The squirrels used their war machine and sadly he was chopped into bits and sold to a Chinese man who was then able to open a Chinese buffet. The end.
Closure
So, I went to go see the boy.
he had been sick and in the hospital for a about a week. I have not spoken to him since he told me we should not be friends anymore. You know, that was pretty darn lame. And it hurt at the time, a lot.
But I can not describe how glad I am that it is over. I am very very happy that relationship is over. I hate the cliche response that girls have: "Well, I learned what I don't want in a guy."
I would say that- I don't necessarily regret, nor do I not regret the relationship. But, I did learn about myself. I don't think I am stronger or that I have grown. I just feel more aware of how I am and how I react to situations in relationships. I learned some valuable lessons about myself.
I went to go see him in the hospital.
I really didn't want to, but all day at church I just kept feeling like I should go. So, I did. I didn't want to. I couldn't say "well, I just wanted to drop by and see how you are doing." because I don't. And, in honesty I don't really care if he get's better or not.
I didn't know what I would say.
It's been almost a year. Almost 11 months exactly. I pretty much hated him and he knew it. So, why do I need to go visit him in the hospital? What would my actions say?
So, I put on my big girl panties and went. I told the Lord that, if I was supposed to go- I would find my way easily.
And I pretty much did.
It was kind of awkward, but not as awkward as it could have been. We talked, but not about us, just about the things we were doing at the moment (ie working or school). He related to me how being in the hospital he began to feel completely helpless, and he had his first ever panic attack.
hahaha.
I know what that's like.
But, I stayed for a short time. He was just as surprised to see me there as I was. I don't want to be friends again. I don't want anything to come of this. But I feel a little more free then I did a day ago.
he had been sick and in the hospital for a about a week. I have not spoken to him since he told me we should not be friends anymore. You know, that was pretty darn lame. And it hurt at the time, a lot.
But I can not describe how glad I am that it is over. I am very very happy that relationship is over. I hate the cliche response that girls have: "Well, I learned what I don't want in a guy."
I would say that- I don't necessarily regret, nor do I not regret the relationship. But, I did learn about myself. I don't think I am stronger or that I have grown. I just feel more aware of how I am and how I react to situations in relationships. I learned some valuable lessons about myself.
I went to go see him in the hospital.
I really didn't want to, but all day at church I just kept feeling like I should go. So, I did. I didn't want to. I couldn't say "well, I just wanted to drop by and see how you are doing." because I don't. And, in honesty I don't really care if he get's better or not.
I didn't know what I would say.
It's been almost a year. Almost 11 months exactly. I pretty much hated him and he knew it. So, why do I need to go visit him in the hospital? What would my actions say?
So, I put on my big girl panties and went. I told the Lord that, if I was supposed to go- I would find my way easily.
And I pretty much did.
It was kind of awkward, but not as awkward as it could have been. We talked, but not about us, just about the things we were doing at the moment (ie working or school). He related to me how being in the hospital he began to feel completely helpless, and he had his first ever panic attack.
hahaha.
I know what that's like.
But, I stayed for a short time. He was just as surprised to see me there as I was. I don't want to be friends again. I don't want anything to come of this. But I feel a little more free then I did a day ago.
January 11, 2014
January 5, 2014
Snow!
My New Years resolutions are: 1 get skinny 2 not be melodramatic 3 track how far I run.
January 4, 2014
1/4/13
Run time: 5 mi 1 hr flat
I was running in my favorite spot to run. It isn't all the time that I get to run there anymore. I like running in a place out of the way. Like I own the place. And I can be alone with my thoughts.
I was running, I was just going to do 3 miles, but the air in my lungs just felt so good. It's cold, but I am warm, and a nice breeze is cutting through my clothes.
A car stopped next to me and I realized it was a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
She says "I saw someone running and I knew I had to know them." Because we did put a lot of miles on that road. I miss it.
I was running in my favorite spot to run. It isn't all the time that I get to run there anymore. I like running in a place out of the way. Like I own the place. And I can be alone with my thoughts.
I was running, I was just going to do 3 miles, but the air in my lungs just felt so good. It's cold, but I am warm, and a nice breeze is cutting through my clothes.
A car stopped next to me and I realized it was a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
She says "I saw someone running and I knew I had to know them." Because we did put a lot of miles on that road. I miss it.
A while ago I read an article in the runners magazine. The author was describing his idea of what a runner is, like, I don't have the fancy running outfits or the pace to be a real runner. But what makes a runner? Is it really fancy clothes or the fastest pace? No. It's the enjoyment we get. He says it's the little pile of dirty clothes that makes you a runner. He went on to say that all runners have an understanding.
Maybe we do know all runners?
January 1, 2014
1/1/14
Hey
Run time:0
It's new years. Dang, 2013 went by really fast.
We spent the day with some old family friends. We have known them for as long as I have lived. And what is weird is that we have all moved to the same city 3 times. Crazy right? It's weird to see where we have all been, and where we are going.
Run time:0
It's new years. Dang, 2013 went by really fast.
We spent the day with some old family friends. We have known them for as long as I have lived. And what is weird is that we have all moved to the same city 3 times. Crazy right? It's weird to see where we have all been, and where we are going.
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