| 'I cannot go to school today, ' Said little Peggy Ann McKay. 'I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more-that's seventeen, And don't you think my face looks green? My leg is cut-my eyes are blue- It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke- My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in, My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb. I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is-what? What's that? What's that you say? You say today is...Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play! ' Shel Silverstein |
November 10, 2013
All time Favorite Poem SICK by Shel Silverstein
Gratitude
Some of you may know that a few weeks ago I had a crazy experience.
During that time I felt like I had a whole taken out of the time span of
my life and it was an indefinite amount of time. But the problem was
that I really did have a life. I had to put everything on hold.
So I was dreading coming back to school. I was terrified an mad about it. I get on the plane already stressed about school work and I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing at that time.
Well this situation cause a bit of a problem. I was unable to go back to school. Let me tell you what. I have never felt like fighting for school was so important. I So badly wanted to come back to school. Not because of friends, well not totally because of friends but because it is an important step in life for me. I just knew I needed to finish this.
At this time I was hardly able to walk. I would be bent over like L and I always had multiple packs of ice on me. If I didn't I would be screaming in pain. I decided that I needed- had to fly back. I was so scared to get back on the plane. It is one of the most scary things I have ever done. And it wasn't because of my phobia of TSA. It was the fear of the pain. Ugh. But I did it.
That first day of school back, All I could think was how lucky that I could be at school. That I could go to school and finish. How lucky that I could walk short distances and talk. (talking was really hard earlier too)
It is a total change in personality for me. I am always stressing about something, regretting something, or worried about what is going to happen. I am quite the pessimist. But Now I am so grateful that I know that I am in the right spot because it really was a freak situation and it really brought me back to seeing the small things that are SO important.
So I was dreading coming back to school. I was terrified an mad about it. I get on the plane already stressed about school work and I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing at that time.
Well this situation cause a bit of a problem. I was unable to go back to school. Let me tell you what. I have never felt like fighting for school was so important. I So badly wanted to come back to school. Not because of friends, well not totally because of friends but because it is an important step in life for me. I just knew I needed to finish this.
At this time I was hardly able to walk. I would be bent over like L and I always had multiple packs of ice on me. If I didn't I would be screaming in pain. I decided that I needed- had to fly back. I was so scared to get back on the plane. It is one of the most scary things I have ever done. And it wasn't because of my phobia of TSA. It was the fear of the pain. Ugh. But I did it.
That first day of school back, All I could think was how lucky that I could be at school. That I could go to school and finish. How lucky that I could walk short distances and talk. (talking was really hard earlier too)
It is a total change in personality for me. I am always stressing about something, regretting something, or worried about what is going to happen. I am quite the pessimist. But Now I am so grateful that I know that I am in the right spot because it really was a freak situation and it really brought me back to seeing the small things that are SO important.
Social Ineptitude
Relatively recently I was called in to a meeting. I thought it was an
informative meeting but it was really a "you need to improve" meeting.
This is what my problem is. When I there is a problem I find the solution and state my solution and am really to assertive when I do so. This is a problem because it is not a professional disposition? Though, it is true. Sort of. If I don't like the person I really am kinda mean. I know I should not be but sometimes I just can't help it, well I can but I choose not to.
So I have to change, at least for this semester. I know it is why I do not have friends, but I don't really want friends.
1. I need to slow down. This takes so much work. I have to plan at least 5 min. extra because I know I will see someone I know and I have to stop and say a kind word. I never EVER did this before, but I need to work on not being so assertive, so there it is. I also have to slow down my thought process. Well not really slow down my thought process but to pause and let the other person of the conversation catch up before I go on again.
2. I have to let other people come to my conclusion. "So here is the problem, what do you think?" "well, what about this?" " I was thinking on similar lines, but what about this?" (once they come to my idea) "You know that just might work, I am so glad that you came up with that!"
But the problem with this is that It is flat out lying. I am not this sort of person at all, and when you get someone to your conclusion you are manipulating them. I figure most of being social competent is to play the political game and to be fake. Yes Fake.
So the Goal: To Be Fake.
At least this is how I see it.
So now I walk around with a dumb smile so my face doesn't show the thoughts going on inside.
This is what my problem is. When I there is a problem I find the solution and state my solution and am really to assertive when I do so. This is a problem because it is not a professional disposition? Though, it is true. Sort of. If I don't like the person I really am kinda mean. I know I should not be but sometimes I just can't help it, well I can but I choose not to.
So I have to change, at least for this semester. I know it is why I do not have friends, but I don't really want friends.
1. I need to slow down. This takes so much work. I have to plan at least 5 min. extra because I know I will see someone I know and I have to stop and say a kind word. I never EVER did this before, but I need to work on not being so assertive, so there it is. I also have to slow down my thought process. Well not really slow down my thought process but to pause and let the other person of the conversation catch up before I go on again.
2. I have to let other people come to my conclusion. "So here is the problem, what do you think?" "well, what about this?" " I was thinking on similar lines, but what about this?" (once they come to my idea) "You know that just might work, I am so glad that you came up with that!"
But the problem with this is that It is flat out lying. I am not this sort of person at all, and when you get someone to your conclusion you are manipulating them. I figure most of being social competent is to play the political game and to be fake. Yes Fake.
So the Goal: To Be Fake.
At least this is how I see it.
So now I walk around with a dumb smile so my face doesn't show the thoughts going on inside.
Community Bathroom
I am pretty lucky. The bathroom is just around the corner. All I need
to do is grab my key so I don't get locked out of my room and rush to
the bathroom anytime there is a need. Well this is great except for the
girls who are super loud at 4 am and wake me up as they are walking
and/or sitting outside my room. My head is about four inches away, but
if you can't see me I don't really exist right?
It is also really great when someone backs up a toilet. The smell is just heavenly. Often I find myself walking outside my door. Stopping, then smelling myself allover in horror that I smell SO bad. Then I realize, I live about 40 feet away from four ancient toilets and many inconsiderate girls.
But this is not the worst part of it all...
I get my toothbrush mug, and I walk unsuspectingly to the bathroom sink. There is another girl there, no problem I mean it is a community bathroom. Now, I have no problem with people (jk) but here it goes.
She has a skin regimen and I have known this for a while. I don't really have a problem with a skin regimen except that it is a pointless ocd thing. So she takes her hair towel, yes a hair towel and puts it on her head. It is like a headband but a towel so your hair doesn't get into your face. I think that is fine and I wonder when the last time it was washed.
Then she gets her finger wet. Ok, not a big deal. Then she wipes them on a yellowish hand towel. I'm a little grossed out. I know from sight that that hasn't been washed in a while. I will keep my stuff a good foot away.
then she gets out her cream. It is from some Chinese speaking place. She puts a dollop on her left palm. That is normal. Then she begins patting it. I think to myself that usually people mix it all together instead of pat the cream but you know, whatevs. So one side of her palm has a big clump of cream that has not been smoothed out and the rest of her palm has patted down cream. Not sure where this is going.
Ok, next she puts a spot of cream on her chin and her cheeks. That is normal, I agree. But this is where it goes wrong. She rubs her hands together and then rubs all that cream on her hands all over her face. Why do you put spots of cream on your face when you already are going to use all of your hands to rub it all over your face. It is not like you need to spread it out on your face and spread it out on your hands to spread it out on your face. This is a redundancy. And an OCD redundancy. Ugh.
Then she washes it off. She puts her face in a grotty sink and splashes water on the counter, the floor, the soap bin, my toothpaste, oh yea and on her face. Then she walks back and lets the water stream off her face on to the counter and the floor. Then she grabs her questionable hand towel and rubs it all over her face.
Ok, I'm not about to throw up just yet.
THEN she pulls out some oil based formula from china. she puts some on her two fingers on the right hand. Then rubs those fingers on to the other two main fingers on the left hand. Then she begins slapping these fingers on her face. You would think that she would make sure she would get this oil all over her face but no. Just the two thirds of the outside of her face, the middle of her face stays dry. I guess this is an oil for the not T zone of your face. BUT THE SLAPPING REALLY! DOES IT REALLY HELP YOUR SKIN!!!! I don't know. I guess more force will push the oil further into your skin because skin needs all the help it can get to absorb moisture. I am contemplating this for the whole 2 min that she is slapping her face, I am not exaggerating ( well maybe a little, but). Her face stays in one spot and her hands move up and down in parallel noise, I guess it is necessary. Slap slap slap slap tap slap splat slat tap slap splat slap slap. And she looks like she is in ecstasy while doing so, her head floating unmovable with slave four fingers catering her OCD pointless every need. Why all the slapping on just the outside of your face, what about the middle? Why the slapping? It is so driving me nuts.
It is also really great when someone backs up a toilet. The smell is just heavenly. Often I find myself walking outside my door. Stopping, then smelling myself allover in horror that I smell SO bad. Then I realize, I live about 40 feet away from four ancient toilets and many inconsiderate girls.
But this is not the worst part of it all...
I get my toothbrush mug, and I walk unsuspectingly to the bathroom sink. There is another girl there, no problem I mean it is a community bathroom. Now, I have no problem with people (jk) but here it goes.
She has a skin regimen and I have known this for a while. I don't really have a problem with a skin regimen except that it is a pointless ocd thing. So she takes her hair towel, yes a hair towel and puts it on her head. It is like a headband but a towel so your hair doesn't get into your face. I think that is fine and I wonder when the last time it was washed.
Then she gets her finger wet. Ok, not a big deal. Then she wipes them on a yellowish hand towel. I'm a little grossed out. I know from sight that that hasn't been washed in a while. I will keep my stuff a good foot away.
then she gets out her cream. It is from some Chinese speaking place. She puts a dollop on her left palm. That is normal. Then she begins patting it. I think to myself that usually people mix it all together instead of pat the cream but you know, whatevs. So one side of her palm has a big clump of cream that has not been smoothed out and the rest of her palm has patted down cream. Not sure where this is going.
Ok, next she puts a spot of cream on her chin and her cheeks. That is normal, I agree. But this is where it goes wrong. She rubs her hands together and then rubs all that cream on her hands all over her face. Why do you put spots of cream on your face when you already are going to use all of your hands to rub it all over your face. It is not like you need to spread it out on your face and spread it out on your hands to spread it out on your face. This is a redundancy. And an OCD redundancy. Ugh.
Then she washes it off. She puts her face in a grotty sink and splashes water on the counter, the floor, the soap bin, my toothpaste, oh yea and on her face. Then she walks back and lets the water stream off her face on to the counter and the floor. Then she grabs her questionable hand towel and rubs it all over her face.
Ok, I'm not about to throw up just yet.
THEN she pulls out some oil based formula from china. she puts some on her two fingers on the right hand. Then rubs those fingers on to the other two main fingers on the left hand. Then she begins slapping these fingers on her face. You would think that she would make sure she would get this oil all over her face but no. Just the two thirds of the outside of her face, the middle of her face stays dry. I guess this is an oil for the not T zone of your face. BUT THE SLAPPING REALLY! DOES IT REALLY HELP YOUR SKIN!!!! I don't know. I guess more force will push the oil further into your skin because skin needs all the help it can get to absorb moisture. I am contemplating this for the whole 2 min that she is slapping her face, I am not exaggerating ( well maybe a little, but). Her face stays in one spot and her hands move up and down in parallel noise, I guess it is necessary. Slap slap slap slap tap slap splat slat tap slap splat slap slap. And she looks like she is in ecstasy while doing so, her head floating unmovable with slave four fingers catering her OCD pointless every need. Why all the slapping on just the outside of your face, what about the middle? Why the slapping? It is so driving me nuts.
Impossible without Bruno Mars
Oh my eyes, my eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
My hair, my hair
Falls perfectly without me trying
I'm so beautiful
And I tell myself every day
Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment me
It's only me I believe
And its so, its so
Sad to think others don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say
When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
My nails, my nails
I love them, My love's like a disease
My laugh, my laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy
I'm so beautiful
And I tell myself every day
Oh you know, you know, you know
you'd never ask me to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then it's up here on stage
So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say
When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
The way I am
The way I am
Girl, I'm amazing
Just the way I am
When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl, I'm amazing
Just the way I am.
Make the stars look like they're not shining
My hair, my hair
Falls perfectly without me trying
I'm so beautiful
And I tell myself every day
Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment me
It's only me I believe
And its so, its so
Sad to think others don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say
When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
My nails, my nails
I love them, My love's like a disease
My laugh, my laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy
I'm so beautiful
And I tell myself every day
Oh you know, you know, you know
you'd never ask me to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then it's up here on stage
So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say
When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
The way I am
The way I am
Girl, I'm amazing
Just the way I am
When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl, I'm amazing
Just the way I am.
Gratitude Respect and Hard Work
There are many things in the world that I would wish to change but I
think these are the basic three that IF we could make these values part
of every person, then most of all the problems in the world would
disappear.
1. Respect: I believe that if we included this characteristic into everyday life the world would be a better place. Many years ago respect was vital for any person to be considered acceptable in society. There is respect for your elders, respect for your parents, respect for your teachers, respect for your friends, respect for acquaintances, respect for intelligence, respect for others, respect for all people. If we could develop a sense of respect for everything then we would treat other's kindly, we would treat things kindly, we would be come kind and compassionate people. I believe we have been loosing this virtue and it is vital for a civilized people.
2. Gratitude: We are not grateful enough. We have so much, we have the capacity for so much, we have the capability of so much. But we take everything for granted. It is not just that we have so much stuff and people all over the world have a hard time putting food on the table, but it is the fact that we have life and the capacity to love and be loved. Even those who are different from us. I believe we need to act on this. We can but we take it for granted. We should, but we don't. It is the simple things that we should look and see and be grateful for. If we did we would become a compassionate person and a happy person.
3. Hard Work: I think people are scared of hard work. Maybe we are afraid of pain. I am not sure. We think work is when we go to a desk and we talk, or communicate with people all day. I believe we need to practice actual physical Hard Work on a consistent basis. Not that you need to quit your job, but what if we found a hobby that did take hard work, what if we had a service project that required hard work. Everything to an extent requires hard work, and when it becomes hard work we should not shun it but throw ourselves into it. Because that is when we get the feeling of accomplishment. That is when we grow.
1. Respect: I believe that if we included this characteristic into everyday life the world would be a better place. Many years ago respect was vital for any person to be considered acceptable in society. There is respect for your elders, respect for your parents, respect for your teachers, respect for your friends, respect for acquaintances, respect for intelligence, respect for others, respect for all people. If we could develop a sense of respect for everything then we would treat other's kindly, we would treat things kindly, we would be come kind and compassionate people. I believe we have been loosing this virtue and it is vital for a civilized people.
2. Gratitude: We are not grateful enough. We have so much, we have the capacity for so much, we have the capability of so much. But we take everything for granted. It is not just that we have so much stuff and people all over the world have a hard time putting food on the table, but it is the fact that we have life and the capacity to love and be loved. Even those who are different from us. I believe we need to act on this. We can but we take it for granted. We should, but we don't. It is the simple things that we should look and see and be grateful for. If we did we would become a compassionate person and a happy person.
3. Hard Work: I think people are scared of hard work. Maybe we are afraid of pain. I am not sure. We think work is when we go to a desk and we talk, or communicate with people all day. I believe we need to practice actual physical Hard Work on a consistent basis. Not that you need to quit your job, but what if we found a hobby that did take hard work, what if we had a service project that required hard work. Everything to an extent requires hard work, and when it becomes hard work we should not shun it but throw ourselves into it. Because that is when we get the feeling of accomplishment. That is when we grow.
I am really Lucky
I am really lucky.
I have had many amazing things in my life.
Many great people have helped me through it all.
Not everything has happened so great.
but it is impossible to run from fate.
Just past days ago I had some difficult problems.
It doesn't really get me down.
But I really learned what I wanted.
Now I feel so lucky for where I stand.
I know this is where I should be.
Things seem to knit together.
I am really so grateful for what I have.
And really for thankful for what I can be.
Mostly I am gratefully for just simple things.
Like walking and talking, I now know can be hard.
Who would ever think that hard is so helpful.
And Amazing friends and family.
Who just don't know how much they really mean.
How much they really mean to me.
It wouldn't be possible to make them see.
How much they really do for me.
I have had many amazing things in my life.
Many great people have helped me through it all.
Not everything has happened so great.
but it is impossible to run from fate.
Just past days ago I had some difficult problems.
It doesn't really get me down.
But I really learned what I wanted.
Now I feel so lucky for where I stand.
I know this is where I should be.
Things seem to knit together.
I am really so grateful for what I have.
And really for thankful for what I can be.
Mostly I am gratefully for just simple things.
Like walking and talking, I now know can be hard.
Who would ever think that hard is so helpful.
And Amazing friends and family.
Who just don't know how much they really mean.
How much they really mean to me.
It wouldn't be possible to make them see.
How much they really do for me.
I hate reading
Alright, I read. I'm kind of a dork. I read a lot. I love reading,
just love love love love reading. I love a really good story where I am
totally engrossed in the story.
There is a bit of a problem. It takes me a while to begin a book. I set it on the table and I stare at it for a few days. I weigh when there is time to read the book.
Now it is important to understand, if I begin a book and read 30 pages into it I have to finish the book. It is so important to me to not be a quiitter. And what if there is something good in the back of the book that I would not get to. So 30 pages it is.
Well I was trying to explain this, why I was not reading a book yet. I said that it was because I was afraid of having to finish the book and what if it is not a good book. I have to finish it anyways.
Well I am glad to say I picked up the book. I didn't put it down until I had read the next two books in the series. Yeah, I have to read the whole series.
OK. I HATE READING BOOKS WHEN THE WHOLE SERIES IS NOT IN PRINT. It happens all the time. I get so frustrated. It would be like flying, but flying and then hitting a block of jello air. You just stop. ALL that momentum just halts and rattles through your system and freezes in the brain. Ugh!
And this is what I realized, I am not afraid of having to finish the book. I am afraid of finishing the book. I get swallowed in to the corner of the room I am reading in, like a hermit, and I do not come out until I have finished the entire volume of works the author has written. Ugh! Love it!!!
So I love reading, and I am a bit of a dork, because if there is something I do not understand then I read up on it. I have to. I just cant stand that unsettling hanger at the end of a story or not knowing something.
There is a bit of a problem. It takes me a while to begin a book. I set it on the table and I stare at it for a few days. I weigh when there is time to read the book.
Now it is important to understand, if I begin a book and read 30 pages into it I have to finish the book. It is so important to me to not be a quiitter. And what if there is something good in the back of the book that I would not get to. So 30 pages it is.
Well I was trying to explain this, why I was not reading a book yet. I said that it was because I was afraid of having to finish the book and what if it is not a good book. I have to finish it anyways.
Well I am glad to say I picked up the book. I didn't put it down until I had read the next two books in the series. Yeah, I have to read the whole series.
OK. I HATE READING BOOKS WHEN THE WHOLE SERIES IS NOT IN PRINT. It happens all the time. I get so frustrated. It would be like flying, but flying and then hitting a block of jello air. You just stop. ALL that momentum just halts and rattles through your system and freezes in the brain. Ugh!
And this is what I realized, I am not afraid of having to finish the book. I am afraid of finishing the book. I get swallowed in to the corner of the room I am reading in, like a hermit, and I do not come out until I have finished the entire volume of works the author has written. Ugh! Love it!!!
So I love reading, and I am a bit of a dork, because if there is something I do not understand then I read up on it. I have to. I just cant stand that unsettling hanger at the end of a story or not knowing something.
Adventure of a Liver
So I have this friend
called a gallbladder, or Little G for short. Well Little G has been have
some troubles. Been puking up skittles sized crystals. On a scale from
one to ten for pain I would say we feel about an 8 or 7.5. Well Little
G has been puking up these stones about once a month. Sometimes we
take pain meds, but it doesn't help in the least. So we decided to see a
doctor.
You would not believe this! The doctor actually suggested that they take my friend Little G away. It is not ok in my opinion to just take one's best friend away on a whim of things. But after talking to the specialist we decided it would be for the best, for both of us.
We were incredibly nervous. Didn't sleep at all that night. There is A lucky one percent of livers, that's a me, who end up with difficult troubles after this procedure. It's called a bile leak. Now I know what bile is but I'm pretty sure that all'yall need to do some research on the topic.
Well the surgery went fine. Except who likes to be cut open and have your best friend taken away? Not many livers. And to top it off I didn't know that they blow the abdomen up with gas for the procedure and they don't (they being the doctors) remove the gas. Who likes walking around like a balloon? I can confirm that I do not. For more reason than just being afraid of defying gravity. And no as a liver I cannot stand Wicked. Well this gas moves to the shoulders and neck. Like these body parts want anything to do with this. Pain scale with ice, a 2. Pain scale no ice, a 5.
Well I and my other best buds of the body have to go back to school. It's tough work this school business. We are all shaking in our boots for this next semester, but we get on the plane. I hate TSA.
Pain scale 2.
So I fly from Tulsa to Dallas. No problem. I actually took pain meds so I felt fine, well a little dizzy. I hate meds.
Then I wait around for the flight to Honolulu. Call another bud down the line. You know, eat, argue with the free wifi, more pain meds. The usual stuff that goes on at the local airport. Then we board then plane. It's going to be a 9 hr flight. Shoot me now! Ok so I really am feeling a bit woozy.
Pain scale with meds 2.
Then about two hrs in to the flight I am trying to sleep and I begin to hurt. Pain is about a 5 and it builds rapidly to a 9. I begin to shake and everything gets fuzzy. The stewardess will not let me lay down. I am almost unconscious. I can't put two thoughts together. I hurt so bad. Someone notices my cuts because the stewardess is pulling my sweatshirt off. I manage to say I lost Little G. I don't know how people came but I was lying in the isle and there were people around me. Someone was putting ice on my face. I don't know what she looked like. There were people all around me but I don't know what they look like. I know their voices though. Pain 9.
I am so thirsty someone suggests an ice pack, I manage a yes to that. A lady at my head keeps saying she is a retired nurse. her name is MJ.
After I get the ice the pain goes down to a 5. And two men pick me up. I am not ok with this but nobody is listening to me at all. They take me to the back of the plane and put me on the floor. One of them, military, puts a needle in my arm. Whatever, but then they ask for napkins. I freak out- don't get blood anywhere that is gross. Then I start shaking. I can't stop. MJ thinks I have jaundice because I am yellow. I tell her that I have olive skin and she asks me to look at her. I do and she believes me. My Asian friends still think I'm pink though. She laughs. I still don't know what she looks like.
the plane lands, that did not register. Pain is at a 1 and I want to stand up. When I do i realize I can't.
The paramedics come. This is so embarrassing. I put all these people out. I can't believe this. I'm the stupid girl. Ugh. I ride in the ambulance. The one paramedic is nice the other basically ignores me. They wheel me into the ER. Lots of people , lots of blood coming out my arm. The kid taking my blood looks like an RM. ok, I think it's weird not to say something to the kid who is spending- no joke- ten min on your arm because I have to fill up ten viles for all the different blood test. Pain scale 1. He leaves. A mean lady comes in. She tells me to pee in a cup and to take off my clothes. She starts taking off my clothes. HEAK NO!!! I convince her I can do it myself , doesn't mean I am going to. I pee in a cup and the pain comes back. 4 then a 7. I ask for ice and I'm moaning. They give me morphine, pain scale 8. I begin crying. They take me to do different tests. I don't know or care about the tests along as I can sleep. I hurt. The lady doing the ultra sound, I feel so bad for her. I have to have a CT scan. This lady tells me what hospital I'm at. She helps me call my mom.
That night dad calls. I can't move but I manage to get the phone. The doctors say they think I'm leaking. I don't know I just hurt. I have to hang up on my dad. Pain increased from a 3 to a 9 and I begin screaming. I can't stop. I'm shaking. A nurse comes. All I say between sobs is "ice" I'm still screaming the doctor closes the door. I must be scaring the other patients The nurse brings me ice. Pain goes from a 9 to a 3. I sleep. The "sleep"'doctor comes. I can hardly stand. He takes me downstairs. They are going to put in a stent. I don't care just make the pain stop. What the HEAK are all these papers. Just fix me. I have to lay on my front. Pain increases from a 3 to a 6. I might cry again. I'm breathing hard and moaning. They put me out. I wake up I have no freaking idea where I am. They wheel me back to my room. Mom is there. She shows me pictures of myself. I still hurt. I guess I was leaking a lot of fluid and That is what hurts. Pain 2.
I am so thirsty. I haven't eaten or drank anything in 2 days. The nurse says I have to wait 4 more hours till I can have clear liquids.
Pain 2 with ice.
Pain 4 without ice. Get me ice now!
I have to pee like two liters an hour. Dang this IV. But I can't hardly move, no way in HEAK am I peeing in a bucket. Help me to the bathroom or I'll go myself. So I go myself. After the third time the nurses let me so whatever I wanted. They knew they had no say.
After many hours of pain at 2 and ice I get told if I can keep down food I can go. So i get some rice crisps with crap milk that is chunky. I say screw this I'm going out for real food. I haven't eaten in days.
Now I'm on the mend and doing well enough.
There's more to the adventure but here is the short of it.
You would not believe this! The doctor actually suggested that they take my friend Little G away. It is not ok in my opinion to just take one's best friend away on a whim of things. But after talking to the specialist we decided it would be for the best, for both of us.
We were incredibly nervous. Didn't sleep at all that night. There is A lucky one percent of livers, that's a me, who end up with difficult troubles after this procedure. It's called a bile leak. Now I know what bile is but I'm pretty sure that all'yall need to do some research on the topic.
Well the surgery went fine. Except who likes to be cut open and have your best friend taken away? Not many livers. And to top it off I didn't know that they blow the abdomen up with gas for the procedure and they don't (they being the doctors) remove the gas. Who likes walking around like a balloon? I can confirm that I do not. For more reason than just being afraid of defying gravity. And no as a liver I cannot stand Wicked. Well this gas moves to the shoulders and neck. Like these body parts want anything to do with this. Pain scale with ice, a 2. Pain scale no ice, a 5.
Well I and my other best buds of the body have to go back to school. It's tough work this school business. We are all shaking in our boots for this next semester, but we get on the plane. I hate TSA.
Pain scale 2.
So I fly from Tulsa to Dallas. No problem. I actually took pain meds so I felt fine, well a little dizzy. I hate meds.
Then I wait around for the flight to Honolulu. Call another bud down the line. You know, eat, argue with the free wifi, more pain meds. The usual stuff that goes on at the local airport. Then we board then plane. It's going to be a 9 hr flight. Shoot me now! Ok so I really am feeling a bit woozy.
Pain scale with meds 2.
Then about two hrs in to the flight I am trying to sleep and I begin to hurt. Pain is about a 5 and it builds rapidly to a 9. I begin to shake and everything gets fuzzy. The stewardess will not let me lay down. I am almost unconscious. I can't put two thoughts together. I hurt so bad. Someone notices my cuts because the stewardess is pulling my sweatshirt off. I manage to say I lost Little G. I don't know how people came but I was lying in the isle and there were people around me. Someone was putting ice on my face. I don't know what she looked like. There were people all around me but I don't know what they look like. I know their voices though. Pain 9.
I am so thirsty someone suggests an ice pack, I manage a yes to that. A lady at my head keeps saying she is a retired nurse. her name is MJ.
After I get the ice the pain goes down to a 5. And two men pick me up. I am not ok with this but nobody is listening to me at all. They take me to the back of the plane and put me on the floor. One of them, military, puts a needle in my arm. Whatever, but then they ask for napkins. I freak out- don't get blood anywhere that is gross. Then I start shaking. I can't stop. MJ thinks I have jaundice because I am yellow. I tell her that I have olive skin and she asks me to look at her. I do and she believes me. My Asian friends still think I'm pink though. She laughs. I still don't know what she looks like.
the plane lands, that did not register. Pain is at a 1 and I want to stand up. When I do i realize I can't.
The paramedics come. This is so embarrassing. I put all these people out. I can't believe this. I'm the stupid girl. Ugh. I ride in the ambulance. The one paramedic is nice the other basically ignores me. They wheel me into the ER. Lots of people , lots of blood coming out my arm. The kid taking my blood looks like an RM. ok, I think it's weird not to say something to the kid who is spending- no joke- ten min on your arm because I have to fill up ten viles for all the different blood test. Pain scale 1. He leaves. A mean lady comes in. She tells me to pee in a cup and to take off my clothes. She starts taking off my clothes. HEAK NO!!! I convince her I can do it myself , doesn't mean I am going to. I pee in a cup and the pain comes back. 4 then a 7. I ask for ice and I'm moaning. They give me morphine, pain scale 8. I begin crying. They take me to do different tests. I don't know or care about the tests along as I can sleep. I hurt. The lady doing the ultra sound, I feel so bad for her. I have to have a CT scan. This lady tells me what hospital I'm at. She helps me call my mom.
That night dad calls. I can't move but I manage to get the phone. The doctors say they think I'm leaking. I don't know I just hurt. I have to hang up on my dad. Pain increased from a 3 to a 9 and I begin screaming. I can't stop. I'm shaking. A nurse comes. All I say between sobs is "ice" I'm still screaming the doctor closes the door. I must be scaring the other patients The nurse brings me ice. Pain goes from a 9 to a 3. I sleep. The "sleep"'doctor comes. I can hardly stand. He takes me downstairs. They are going to put in a stent. I don't care just make the pain stop. What the HEAK are all these papers. Just fix me. I have to lay on my front. Pain increases from a 3 to a 6. I might cry again. I'm breathing hard and moaning. They put me out. I wake up I have no freaking idea where I am. They wheel me back to my room. Mom is there. She shows me pictures of myself. I still hurt. I guess I was leaking a lot of fluid and That is what hurts. Pain 2.
I am so thirsty. I haven't eaten or drank anything in 2 days. The nurse says I have to wait 4 more hours till I can have clear liquids.
Pain 2 with ice.
Pain 4 without ice. Get me ice now!
I have to pee like two liters an hour. Dang this IV. But I can't hardly move, no way in HEAK am I peeing in a bucket. Help me to the bathroom or I'll go myself. So I go myself. After the third time the nurses let me so whatever I wanted. They knew they had no say.
After many hours of pain at 2 and ice I get told if I can keep down food I can go. So i get some rice crisps with crap milk that is chunky. I say screw this I'm going out for real food. I haven't eaten in days.
Now I'm on the mend and doing well enough.
There's more to the adventure but here is the short of it.
spam
In the past year my association with spam has probably tripled. In
the morning the local breakfast calls for a thick salty piece of your
wondermeat and my e-mail is joyfully overflowing with inconsequential
black on white digital nonsense. The question I have, is how did so much
spam come into my life so fast. Well one makes sense, I can not go
around belittling a culture that I have been learning and accepting for
the past few years, but the other. How is is possible that so much spam
comes at once? Well it probably is really possible but it feels more
like there are evil little minions determined to ruin my day as I
realize out of all the e-mails I get on a given day about 0.1% are
actually e-mails for me, personally. All I know is that I am not a huge
fan of spam, either kind at all.
Love this poem
THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
There was a little girl,
And she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good
She was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
One day she went upstairs,
When her parents, unawares,
In the kitchen were occupied with meals,
And she stood upon her head
In her little trundle-bed,
And then began hooraying with her heels.
Her mother heard the noise,
And she thought it was the boys
A-playing at a combat in the attic;
But when she climbed the stair,
And found Jemima there,
She took and she did spank her most emphatic.
*****
Then one day that little girl
Brushed away that little curl
Away from the middle of her forehead
Now she is good
She is very, very good
And nobody thinks she is horrid!
There was a little girl who wore a little hood,
And a curl down the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
But when she was bad, she was horrid.
Mama Lisa
the Floor
So I have about 2 feet by 4 feet of floor space. Now, this is the Grand
total of all the space that I can lay my clothes, shoes, bags, stuff,
crap, whatever. But this space is also the walkway in and out of the
dorm room. I have to say that I am pretty nice. I keep it clean and
clear so my ADD roommate can get in and out of the room. But it doesn't
matter how much or little I have in my 2 feet by 4 feet of space she
manages to tip over and move everything that is slightly in the way.
Now, this seems like i'm being unrealistic. But when the walk way is 2
ft by 4 ft and it is entirely clear except for one shoe that is half way
under the bed, and she trips over it. Making it fly to the door. And
she doesn't say sorry, and she doesn't put it back. I already have to
share my room with her. Its like half the room is hers and then my half
the room is sudo-hers. She hangs her clothes up to dry on my side. She
pulls my stuff out of my closet to use. She puts her cords over my one
and only table space. She puts her chair on my side of the room, she
puts her rubbish bin in front of my dresser. UGGGH!!!!! And she eats
with her mouth open. How inconsiderate can you get?!? Oh yeah- and she
doesn't sleep at night. She sleeps in the day. She stays up all night,
preventing me from sleeping. And when she walks in and out of the room
she bangs the door against my bed and walks in real fast. So if I
actually am asleep, I'm not anymore!
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