The Big Bang Theory

I found this show on the plane actually. I can never sleep on the plane. Well, I Love this show, absolutely love it. Now, I am by no means smart in any sort of the intellectually inclined term, but I do identify with Sheldon a bit. Mostly in the introverted comments or lack of social protocol that he emanates.
So, I was thinking why nerd-geniuses stereotypically like sci-fi and fantasy genre, and how this may be out of character from the realist that nerd-geniuses are. Well, it is not necessarily because it is realistic, it is the fact that there are rules. Everything has a rule, a law that it must follow to exist. Most sci-fi or fantasy creates their own laws or principles in which their terms exist. This creates a reality that is understandable. But because it is creative in work it is also open for interpretations, ergo (lol) the debates and discussions and all the fun in reality. Each person allowed their own reality that is feasible because it follows its own laws and principles.

The Skinny

I SO badly want to be skinny. I was once and it was a lot of work, but I want to be skinny now. That is the problem, it takes SO long and I just have the hardest time doing it. I do have a tendency to become slightly OCD, well the people I lived with in high school would take out the word "slightly".
Now, I do not have a problem with eating fruits and vegetables. I do not have a problem with eating food low in sugar and low in fat. I do not have a problem with exercising. The fact is that I am lazy. I give up with the consistency and I beat myself up.
First I see me in a photo and I realize how FAT I really am. Like a bunch of marshmallows. I realize that I am really fat and need to loose weight. I remember how hard it is and how much pain it takes. Then I look at what I wish I was. Let's face it. It would take more than a full time job to become that. I am just not willing to put all that pain and agony in it.
I keep planning, I keep putting rules down, and I still fail. I fail, I fail, I fail. But I want, want, and want to be skinny. How do I do it without all the headaches?

One day it will happen.

Alaska

I spent my childhood and adolescent years in The Great Land and loved it, every minute of it. There are many and many more things I have learned from growing up in such a place. The first is to Always carry a pocket knife, to dress for the weather, and if you freeze it is your own stinking fault. I also learned that hard work is vital for survival.
While I can not say that I am a true outdoors person, one that can take off in the middle of the week with a backpack of food and clothes, matches, sleeping bag, a knife, and some rope, I can say that I have learned a little bit about the outside world. I believe that meat should have had a full life in it's natural habitat. I also thing that plants should be grown in a relatively normal way. That harvest is a family matter and that everyone works together. That the basic routines of life are a team task, and that even if the weather is bleak or it is pitch black outside, real life still goes on and you still have to work.
I also learned what beauty is simple and uninhabited. What water really tastes like. The color of true green and the stages of cold.

To Begin

As an introduction: I travel a little bit, I paint a little bit, I watch a few TV shows, I read a lot, I listed to music a lot, I think a lot, I play a few sports a little bit, I bike often, I yell often, I sit quietly often, I hang out with friends sometimes, sometimes I write poetry, sometimes I do homework, sometimes I surf the Internet, I have opinions about some things and not about others, I like culture, I like to eat, I like to learn, I like wit, I like to sleep in some mornings, I like to stay up late, I like to create, I like to daydream, I like to plan, and sometimes I blog.
Many times I feel that my thoughts get overwhelming, I can not keep track of everything that is on my mind at the moment. This is why I believe in paper and pens. These two items are vital to my survival. But this takes up a lot of desk space. If you saw my desk- there is not much space. Now, a simple and reasonable solution to the predicament is to go digital. Therefore this is a perfect space to jot down a few thoughts here and there.
You see life is kind of a funny thing. One moment the whole world is predicated upon just a few things in life, but after a few years these vital things are unimportant and a new situation of life has placed itself in front of you. Sometimes we forget all that we have learned previously, or those humorous situations that brighten the day, or other.
Thus it is a journal or diary that will definitely survive.

Animal Crackers

Animal Crackers In My Soup Lyrics

Lyrics/Music T.Koehler & I.Caesar/R.Henderson

Once Mother said My litle pet
you ought to learn your alphabet
So in my soup I used to get
All the letters of the alphabet
I learned them all from A to Z
And now my Mothers giving me

------
Animal crackers in my soup
Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop
Gosh oh gee but I have fun
Swallowing animals one by one

In every bowl of soup I see
Lions and Tigers watching me
I make 'em jump right through a hoop
Those animal crackers in my soup

When I get hold of the big bad wolf
I just push him under to drown
Then I bite him in a million bits
And I gobble him right down

When their inside me where its dark
I walk around like Noahs Arc
I stuff my tummy like a goop
With animal crackers in my soup

Animal crackers in my soup
Do funny things to me
They make me think my neighbourhood
Is a big menagerie

For instance there's our Janitor
His name is Mr Klein
And when he Hollers at us kids
He reminds me of a Lion


The Grocer is so big and fat
He has a big moustache
He looks just like a Walrus
Just before he takes a splash

And...

Animal Crackers
By: Christopher Morley

Animal crackers and cocoa to drink,
That is the finest of suppers, I think;
When I'm grown up and can have what I please
I think I shall always insist upon these.

What do you choose when you're offered a treat?
When Mother says, "What would you like best to eat?"
Is it waffles and syrup, or cinnamon toast?
It's cocoa and animals that I love the most!

The kitchen's the coziest place that I know:
The kettle is singing, the stove is aglow,
And there in the twilight, how jolly to see
The cocoa and animals waiting for me.

Daddy and Mother dine later in state,
With Mary to cook for them, Susan to wait;
But they don't have nearly as much fun as I
Who eat in the kitchen with Nurse standing by;
And Daddy once said he would like to be me
Having cocoa and animals once more for tea!

So much more than art

A friend of mine was showing me some really great art. I know she has impeccable taste, but I was surprised by what I saw. I have seen many of the pieces done by Carl Bloch before but after a quick glance at quite a few of his pieces all together, something really hit me. Sure the art is great, great techniques, color, form, etc... but that is not what makes it IT. Its the feeling. How can you paint something that has so much felling and I only saw the piece for five seconds?
I want to be an artist just so I can figure this out. So I can find the answer to my question.
http://carlbloch.byu.edu/exhibition.php
It's amazing.

So something has been really bothering me for about a decade. In middle school I used to idolize this photographer that made AMAZING pictures. I would look through this book, and all I could remember about it was that the last name had something to do with gold. But today- After many failed attempts to search it out- I FIGURED it out!

The name is Andy Goldsworthy. He is his own artist and his own photographer. See this art is not about nature, it is not about creating a piece of art, it's about how everything works together and in a moment it is beautiful then it goes away replaced with something else beautiful. At least that is what I think.

http://www.rwc.uc.edu/artcomm/web/w2005_2006/maria_Goldsworthy/TEST/index.html

Whining

It doesn't matter what language you are speaking. When you whine it still sounds like whining.

All time Favorite Poem SICK by Shel Silverstein

'I cannot go to school today, ' Said little Peggy Ann McKay. 'I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more-that's seventeen, And don't you think my face looks green? My leg is cut-my eyes are blue- It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke- My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in, My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb. I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is-what? What's that? What's that you say? You say today is...Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play! ' Shel Silverstein

Gratitude

Some of you may know that a few weeks ago I had a crazy experience. During that time I felt like I had a whole taken out of the time span of my life and it was an indefinite amount of time. But the problem was that I really did have a life. I had to put everything on hold.
So I was dreading coming back to school. I was terrified an mad about it. I get on the plane already stressed about school work and I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing at that time.
Well this situation cause a bit of a problem. I was unable to go back to school. Let me tell you what. I have never felt like fighting for school was so important. I So badly wanted to come back to school. Not because of friends, well not totally because of friends but because it is an important step in life for me. I just knew I needed to finish this.
At this time I was hardly able to walk. I would be bent over like L and I always had multiple packs of ice on me. If I didn't I would be screaming in pain. I decided that I needed- had to fly back. I was so scared to get back on the plane. It is one of the most scary things I have ever done. And it wasn't because of my phobia of TSA. It was the fear of the pain. Ugh. But I did it.

That first day of school back, All I could think was how lucky that I could be at school. That I could go to school and finish. How lucky that I could walk short distances and talk. (talking was really hard earlier too)
It is a total change in personality for me. I am always stressing about something, regretting something, or worried about what is going to happen. I am quite the pessimist. But Now I am so grateful that I know that I am in the right spot because it really was a freak situation and it really brought me back to seeing the small things that are SO important.

Social Ineptitude

Relatively recently I was called in to a meeting. I thought it was an informative meeting but it was really a "you need to improve" meeting.

This is what my problem is. When I there is a problem I find the solution and state my solution and am really to assertive when I do so. This is a problem because it is not a professional disposition? Though, it is true. Sort of. If I don't like the person I really am kinda mean. I know I should not be but sometimes I just can't help it, well I can but I choose not to.

So I have to change, at least for this semester. I know it is why I do not have friends, but I don't really want friends.

1. I need to slow down. This takes so much work. I have to plan at least 5 min. extra because I know I will see someone I know and I have to stop and say a kind word. I never EVER did this before, but I need to work on not being so assertive, so there it is. I also have to slow down my thought process. Well not really slow down my thought process but to pause and let the other person of the conversation catch up before I go on again.

2. I have to let other people come to my conclusion. "So here is the problem, what do you think?" "well, what about this?" " I was thinking on similar lines, but what about this?" (once they come to my idea) "You know that just might work, I am so glad that you came up with that!"

But the problem with this is that It is flat out lying. I am not this sort of person at all, and when you get someone to your conclusion you are manipulating them. I figure most of being social competent is to play the political game and to be fake. Yes Fake.

So the Goal: To Be Fake.
At least this is how I see it.

So now I walk around with a dumb smile so my face doesn't show the thoughts going on inside.

Community Bathroom

I am pretty lucky. The bathroom is just around the corner. All I need to do is grab my key so I don't get locked out of my room and rush to the bathroom anytime there is a need. Well this is great except for the girls who are super loud at 4 am and wake me up as they are walking and/or sitting outside my room. My head is about four inches away, but if you can't see me I don't really exist right?
It is also really great when someone backs up a toilet. The smell is just heavenly. Often I find myself walking outside my door. Stopping, then smelling myself allover in horror that I smell SO bad. Then I realize, I live about 40 feet away from four ancient toilets and many inconsiderate girls.
But this is not the worst part of it all...

I get my toothbrush mug, and I walk unsuspectingly to the bathroom sink. There is another girl there, no problem I mean it is a community bathroom. Now, I have no problem with people (jk) but here it goes.
She has a skin regimen and I have known this for a while. I don't really have a problem with a skin regimen except that it is a pointless ocd thing. So she takes her hair towel, yes a hair towel and puts it on her head. It is like a headband but a towel so your hair doesn't get into your face. I think that is fine and I wonder when the last time it was washed.
Then she gets her finger wet. Ok, not a big deal. Then she wipes them on a yellowish hand towel. I'm a little grossed out. I know from sight that that hasn't been washed in a while. I will keep my stuff a good foot away.
then she gets out her cream. It is from some Chinese speaking place. She puts a dollop on her left palm. That is normal. Then she begins patting it. I think to myself that usually people mix it all together instead of pat the cream but you know, whatevs. So one side of her palm has a big clump of cream that has not been smoothed out and the rest of her palm has patted down cream. Not sure where this is going.
Ok, next she puts a spot of cream on her chin and her cheeks. That is normal, I agree. But this is where it goes wrong. She rubs her hands together and then rubs all that cream on her hands all over her face. Why do you put spots of cream on your face when you already are going to use all of your hands to rub it all over your face. It is not like you need to spread it out on your face and spread it out on your hands to spread it out on your face. This is a redundancy. And an OCD redundancy. Ugh.
Then she washes it off. She puts her face in a grotty sink and splashes water on the counter, the floor, the soap bin, my toothpaste, oh yea and on her face. Then she walks back and lets the water stream off her face on to the counter and the floor. Then she grabs her questionable hand towel and rubs it all over her face.
Ok, I'm not about to throw up just yet.
THEN she pulls out some oil based formula from china. she puts some on her two fingers on the right hand. Then rubs those fingers on to the other two main fingers on the left hand. Then she begins slapping these fingers on her face. You would think that she would make sure she would get this oil all over her face but no. Just the two thirds of the outside of her face, the middle of her face stays dry. I guess this is an oil for the not T zone of your face. BUT THE SLAPPING REALLY! DOES IT REALLY HELP YOUR SKIN!!!! I don't know. I guess more force will push the oil further into your skin because skin needs all the help it can get to absorb moisture. I am contemplating this for the whole 2 min that she is slapping her face, I am not exaggerating ( well maybe a little, but). Her face stays in one spot and her hands move up and down in parallel noise, I guess it is necessary. Slap slap slap slap tap slap splat slat tap slap splat slap slap. And she looks like she is in ecstasy while doing so, her head floating unmovable with slave four fingers catering her OCD pointless every need. Why all the slapping on just the outside of your face, what about the middle? Why the slapping? It is so driving me nuts.

Impossible without Bruno Mars

Oh my eyes, my eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
 My hair, my hair
Falls perfectly without me trying

 I'm so beautiful
And I tell myself every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment me
 It's only me I believe
And its so, its so
Sad to think others don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am

 My nails, my nails
I love them, My love's like a disease
 My laugh, my laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

 I'm so beautiful

And I tell myself every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
you'd never ask me to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then it's up here on stage

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am

The way I am
The way I am
Girl, I'm amazing
Just the way I am

When I see my face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause I'm amazing
Just the way I am
And when I smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl, I'm amazing
Just the way I am.